Cloth of the Country.

As the new president was announced last night, I did some thinking as to what it meant to me.

For some people, they view it as an end to an economic crisis or a change to the old administration.  

One of the most important things we must remember is if we stay divided in our ideals, we will fail to get out of the troubles that we are in.  To the people who are strong Republicans, you must learn to embrace a new president, even if you didn't vote for him.  For the people who voted for Barack, you must accept the people who feel differently about the issues.  Let them be heard, and do not just shut them out.

When we turn a cold shoulder, or stop listening to each other, we end up divided.  We all live in one country and we must work together to make this country great.  

On another note, I was extremely satisfied with the MSNBC coverage of the election.  I thought they covered all sides well.  They even were able to include the other races taking place.  Some channels really didn't do that well.  People don't realize how important Congress really is.

More on this later.

-Nick.

Grounded.

I’ve been sitting in the Minneapolis-St Paul airport for the last 2 and a half hours, and it’s given me some time to people watch and place watch.  First off, this is a very nice airport here in the twin cities.  It is very clean and all very new.  They utilized the people movers very well.  I can only describe these as human conveyor belts.  There are even lanes on the belts so there aren’t traffic jams or crashes.  

It’s kind of funny because, except a small percentage of people, I don’t think anyone’s final destination is actually Minneapolis or St. Paul.  I think that this airport is basically a connecting hub to the rest of the US.  When we were landing the stewardess rattled off about 20 connecting flights that were scheduled to fly within the next TWENTY minutes.  My flight was 3 hours later, so I can only imagine how many flights have come and gone in that time.  This airport is basically a doormat for the rest of the country’s destinations.  It’s like you’re almost there, but not quite.  

On a side note, the Nebraska Cornhuskers girls soccer team just went by on a people mover/conveyor belt in front of me.  

People watching has become my main source of fun.  It was originally reading, but I was getting weird looks reading the book, “On Killing”, in an airport.  Of course, if you were reading the book you would know it’s not about killing technique, but the psychological impact of killing.  Anyways, I’ve seen a lot of strange people in the heart of this country.  There’s old people, young people, big people, and small people.  Some have accents, some don’t.  

A lot of people seem to be coming through this airport to go to Montana.  I can tell who is going north by what they’re wearing.  It’s typically camouflage.  Most people are going hunting when they go north.  Something I found very funny was the amount of costumes I’ve seen.  As you probably know, it’s halloween, and the disguises are out in full force.  How can this be allowed in an airport??  The main purpose of a costume is to not look like yourself.  This seems like a serious security threat to anyone who is paying attention.  

Most of the staff behind the counters are wearing costumes.  I’ve seen pirates with swords, witches, and even a tribal outfit, which was awful.  The one I certainly have not seen attempted is the terrorist costume.  Either no one has tried it or they didn’t make it past the curbside check-in.  

Well, next stop, Oklahoma.

Catch you on the flip-side.

-Nick

Misunderestimation...?

In today's society we do many things which we don't even think about.  We hold doors for people behind us, cover our mouths when we sneeze, and even wipe our arse on a semi-regular basis.  We even say "please" and "thank you".

However, yesterday, I realized something.  I was getting my sandwich (I love sandwiches) and when the man was done with it, I said, "Thank you" and he said, "You're Welcome".  Well, that seems fine, but I wasn't finished for some reason.

After he said, "You're Welcome", I said, "I know."  I really didn't mean to say it, it just came out.  I sort of stared at him in amazement as to what I just said.  Without realizing it I, subconsciously, acknowledged the oddity of his statement.  A statement which everyone, even myself, says.  

Thinking about if for a while made me question the phrase even more.  The phrase is an acknowledgement of me being thankful and that I without obligation for the favor or courtesy received from the person.  

Without thinking about it, I responded to the statement, which people don't typically respond to.  What does saying, "I know" mean in this situation?  It means A. The person thinks I'm a jerk and B. I know that I am thankful (I said thank you, didn't I??) and I know that I have no obligations to the person for anything.  EVER.

From now on, instead of saying "thank you", I'm going to say something that they need to say "thank you" to.  For example, if I say "I appreciate what you've done for me", I would be stared at rather strangely, but they would have to say "thank you."  Then, I can reverse the roles, and I can say "You're welcome."  

I can see this not catching on...at all...but I will certainly enjoy it.

Bye for now.

-Nick

The Annexation of Brazil.

As the economy becomes more and more of a problem, the term, "Global Economy" gets thrown around a lot.  It certainly makes sense.  The leaders of the consuming world are certainly the U.S.  However, we buy products from everywhere.  From this guy, this guy, and even this guy.

One of the main debate points this fall has been about bringing jobs back to the U.S.  It's caused turmoil in both campaigns.  Whether it be by lowering taxes for businesses in the U.S. or even promoting rebates, etc.  

So here is what I am proposing for my solution to the problem:

We should bring the U.S. to the jobs.  

And I don't mean commuting overseas and all that.  I mean, as the biggest superpower in the world, we should have the right to annex the entire globe.  Or, if not the entire globe, just the important countries.  We could eliminate hatred for the U.S. by making everyone on Earth a U.S. citizen.  Instead of talking to someone in India when trying to fix your Dell or HP, you could be talking to someone in the U.S...in the state of India.  

Of course, people wouldn't want to lose their identities, so we would simply make every country a state.  This way, people have some sense of culture (specifically #8 and #9), but still pay the all important taxes.  

And!

The U.S. would have the biggest army in the world...who would attack us?  I mean, like I said we wouldn't need to annex Africa or any parts of Europe, but mainly Asia and South America.  This is simply because I think that Europe's economy is falling apart as well, so why would we want to take that on, with our already boiling over issues.  It's been said that India and China are on the way up, so why not get on that bandwagon and make it ours.  As for South America, well, A. They have nice women and B. They have penguins in Brazil, and I'm all about the penguins.

I think I've made my point.

Goodnight Canada.

-Nick

Cravats!

Ah yes...the ol' necktie.  What man invented this?  Also, why did it change from this form?  It used to look like a clam, now it looks like a funny tongue.  I don't think that this was on purpose, of course...men love clams!  

There was clearly a point in history where men decided it would be noble to wear a piece of cloth tied around their necks.  I can't explain it, and looking back, I don't think they could either.  

The only thing more depressing is a clip-on tie.  Not only are you wearing a tie, but you don't even know how to tie it.  

Another thing I found interesting about the tie is that no one questions having to wear one to work.  Has anyone ever said, "Why would I wear an elongated piece of silk around my neck?"...I think not, at least for my purposes anyways.

The only necktie that is acceptable is the bow tie.  For some reason it works.  It's just so ridiculous, that it works.  If you have the gaul to wear one, then you look good by default.  

Ties are funny, thanks Rosie.

Goodnight for now.

-Nick

Old People.

There is something fundamentally wrong with old people.  They have so much hatred, it's wearing off on me now!  I heard an old man bitching at this woman today while getting food, and I was screaming, internally.  I was about this close to doing something.  Of course, I didn't, I just walked away.  

There's something that happens in a person's life that they feel it necessary to make everyone around then miserable with them.  Whether it be by yelling at a woman working behind a counter or simply setting your car on fire, something needs to be done.  John Lennon always made it known that he never wanted to grow old, and for good reason!  If being a meanie and growing ridiculous mustachios are all that I have to look forward to, than no thank you!

So here is what I am proposing.  We need to act against these people.  I am tired of them taking money from my paychecks and being able to wear diapers.  

I am not proposing violence or aggression against the decrepit, but instead we should do something that no one has ever done before...ever!...well, maybe it's been done, I haven't really researched this, I'm just talking on a whim here.  But anyways...I feel that we should mess with the old people's senses.  Most old people have at least one sense failing on them.  I think it's a rule, you don't get gray hair until your hearing, vision, or smell are going.  

So, we will take advantage of this, and strike them with so much fear, that they will go home, and leave the cities and other human ordinances alone.  

If the subject cannot see too well, we will pretend to be being eaten alive by some type of fictional monster.  The image of a giant squid or jellyfish works well for me.  Have someone throw something at you and pretend it's tentacles on you.

If they cannot smell too well, embarrass them!  Tell them they defecated in their pants!  They will be so ashamed and red in the face that they will run, or walk away in search of a bathroom or new diaper.  I can see it now, that would be great.

My favorite is to install extreme fear in them.  Most really old people come from a day when the threat of a war with the Nazi's still seems possible.  Well, if they cannot hear, you need to somehow convince them that there are bomb sirens going off.  Now, this may seem cruel or unfair, but think about it...they're not actually going off, meaning there is no real danger to them.  We also need to convince them that the only safe place is back in their nursing home.  And hopefully they will stay there for a long time.  

On the other hand, how cool would it be to go to this nursing home?

So back to the point.  We've had many foes in our time.  First the natives, then the Nazi's, the Russians, the Republicans, etc.  But this certainly is one of the worst.  

Good luck.

-Nick