Grounded.

I’ve been sitting in the Minneapolis-St Paul airport for the last 2 and a half hours, and it’s given me some time to people watch and place watch.  First off, this is a very nice airport here in the twin cities.  It is very clean and all very new.  They utilized the people movers very well.  I can only describe these as human conveyor belts.  There are even lanes on the belts so there aren’t traffic jams or crashes.  

It’s kind of funny because, except a small percentage of people, I don’t think anyone’s final destination is actually Minneapolis or St. Paul.  I think that this airport is basically a connecting hub to the rest of the US.  When we were landing the stewardess rattled off about 20 connecting flights that were scheduled to fly within the next TWENTY minutes.  My flight was 3 hours later, so I can only imagine how many flights have come and gone in that time.  This airport is basically a doormat for the rest of the country’s destinations.  It’s like you’re almost there, but not quite.  

On a side note, the Nebraska Cornhuskers girls soccer team just went by on a people mover/conveyor belt in front of me.  

People watching has become my main source of fun.  It was originally reading, but I was getting weird looks reading the book, “On Killing”, in an airport.  Of course, if you were reading the book you would know it’s not about killing technique, but the psychological impact of killing.  Anyways, I’ve seen a lot of strange people in the heart of this country.  There’s old people, young people, big people, and small people.  Some have accents, some don’t.  

A lot of people seem to be coming through this airport to go to Montana.  I can tell who is going north by what they’re wearing.  It’s typically camouflage.  Most people are going hunting when they go north.  Something I found very funny was the amount of costumes I’ve seen.  As you probably know, it’s halloween, and the disguises are out in full force.  How can this be allowed in an airport??  The main purpose of a costume is to not look like yourself.  This seems like a serious security threat to anyone who is paying attention.  

Most of the staff behind the counters are wearing costumes.  I’ve seen pirates with swords, witches, and even a tribal outfit, which was awful.  The one I certainly have not seen attempted is the terrorist costume.  Either no one has tried it or they didn’t make it past the curbside check-in.  

Well, next stop, Oklahoma.

Catch you on the flip-side.

-Nick

Misunderestimation...?

In today's society we do many things which we don't even think about.  We hold doors for people behind us, cover our mouths when we sneeze, and even wipe our arse on a semi-regular basis.  We even say "please" and "thank you".

However, yesterday, I realized something.  I was getting my sandwich (I love sandwiches) and when the man was done with it, I said, "Thank you" and he said, "You're Welcome".  Well, that seems fine, but I wasn't finished for some reason.

After he said, "You're Welcome", I said, "I know."  I really didn't mean to say it, it just came out.  I sort of stared at him in amazement as to what I just said.  Without realizing it I, subconsciously, acknowledged the oddity of his statement.  A statement which everyone, even myself, says.  

Thinking about if for a while made me question the phrase even more.  The phrase is an acknowledgement of me being thankful and that I without obligation for the favor or courtesy received from the person.  

Without thinking about it, I responded to the statement, which people don't typically respond to.  What does saying, "I know" mean in this situation?  It means A. The person thinks I'm a jerk and B. I know that I am thankful (I said thank you, didn't I??) and I know that I have no obligations to the person for anything.  EVER.

From now on, instead of saying "thank you", I'm going to say something that they need to say "thank you" to.  For example, if I say "I appreciate what you've done for me", I would be stared at rather strangely, but they would have to say "thank you."  Then, I can reverse the roles, and I can say "You're welcome."  

I can see this not catching on...at all...but I will certainly enjoy it.

Bye for now.

-Nick

You Can Talk to Me, You Can Talk to Me...

Andrew Bynum loves weird faces.

As for the other man....

Big man fall hard.  As many of you may or may not know, I am a very big Lakers fan.  In basketball, I live for the Lake show.  Last night was the season opener for the Western Conference Champs, and you can tell that they came out on a mission.  They do not want to fall short again.  I give all the credit in the world to the Celtics, but I think there is nothing stopping Kobe & Co this year.  

One of the highly followed things leading into this season was the emergence of Greg Oden.  He plays for the Portland Trailblazers who, without Oden last year, had a very surprising season.  This year they were hoping to take it to the next level with their number one overall pick from a year ago.  He didn't play last year because he had season ending knee surgery.  BUT, this year he came back and was bigger than ever.  It looked like he could put the Blazers into the mix as an elite team in the league for a long time.  This team is very young and can simply overmatch a lot of weaker teams with him in the lineup.

So, on to last night.  Late in the first quarter of last night's Lakers/Blazers game, something happened.  Oden, who has yet to score his first NBA point, went down.  He went down hard.  He landed on Derek Fisher's foot coming down from a rebound.  He twisted his foot and hit the floor.  He tried to keep playing, which shows how determined he really is.  Eventually he had to come out.  At half-time and after the game the Blazers thought it was a sprain in his foot.  No big deal stay off it for a day or two, be back Friday, at the latest.  

Today he went in for an MRI and it came back inconclusive at first.  But, the most recent news is that he has a foot strain, which is much more serious.  Well, apparently he's going to be sidelined for about six to eight weeks.  This guy cannot catch a break.  He just wants to play basketball, or even baseketball, but probably basketball more.  One setback after another, and Blazer fans are thinking they're cursed.  

They seem to have a big man curse.  The biggest name that seems to come to mind is Sam Bowie.  He is famous for being the number one pick in the 1984 NBA draft.  This wouldn't be a big deal if he wasn't picked in front of Michael Jordan.  Of course, who picked Sam?...the Blazers, of course.  Sam Bowie played his rookie season for the Blazers, in an average amount of games.  However over the next 4 seasons, he played a combined 63 games.  This includes his second season which he played in 5 games and his third season which he played in a whopping ZERO games.  

Blazer fans...Pray.

You better hope this doesn't happen again.

Bye.

-Nick

In the Valley of Elah.

I saw the movie "In The Valley of Elah" today, for my film class.

It was an excellent movie.  Charlize Theron and Tommy Lee Jones are the main actors.  It's about a man, Tommy Lee Jones, whose son has gone AWOL after coming back from Iraq.  It takes some twists and turns, and along the way examines some very serious mental issues that ensue from fighting in wars. 

I'd recommend this movie to any with a strong heart and stomach, as there are some rather graphic scenes.  It is based on actual events, and very accurately, as well.

Enjoy.

-Nick

And His Band of Demons...

What the hell is going on in this world?  Swedish scientists have found that bees, honey bees, can count to 4.  All I can say is...THANK GOD.  It's about time we found out if bees could actually count.  I'm happy that instead of researching cancer or AIDS, we're trying to find out if bees can count...to 4, or not.  Apparently, they can't go past 4, which A. Isn't much of a surprise and B. Who the hell cares?!  

The Swedish, a race who want peace and prosperity for their people, and to expand knowledge to their hive friends.  

Be Back Later.

-Nick

The Annexation of Brazil.

As the economy becomes more and more of a problem, the term, "Global Economy" gets thrown around a lot.  It certainly makes sense.  The leaders of the consuming world are certainly the U.S.  However, we buy products from everywhere.  From this guy, this guy, and even this guy.

One of the main debate points this fall has been about bringing jobs back to the U.S.  It's caused turmoil in both campaigns.  Whether it be by lowering taxes for businesses in the U.S. or even promoting rebates, etc.  

So here is what I am proposing for my solution to the problem:

We should bring the U.S. to the jobs.  

And I don't mean commuting overseas and all that.  I mean, as the biggest superpower in the world, we should have the right to annex the entire globe.  Or, if not the entire globe, just the important countries.  We could eliminate hatred for the U.S. by making everyone on Earth a U.S. citizen.  Instead of talking to someone in India when trying to fix your Dell or HP, you could be talking to someone in the U.S...in the state of India.  

Of course, people wouldn't want to lose their identities, so we would simply make every country a state.  This way, people have some sense of culture (specifically #8 and #9), but still pay the all important taxes.  

And!

The U.S. would have the biggest army in the world...who would attack us?  I mean, like I said we wouldn't need to annex Africa or any parts of Europe, but mainly Asia and South America.  This is simply because I think that Europe's economy is falling apart as well, so why would we want to take that on, with our already boiling over issues.  It's been said that India and China are on the way up, so why not get on that bandwagon and make it ours.  As for South America, well, A. They have nice women and B. They have penguins in Brazil, and I'm all about the penguins.

I think I've made my point.

Goodnight Canada.

-Nick

Come In, Come Out!

To those of you mulling over buying the new Oasis album, Dig Out Your Soul...do it.  Oasis hasn't rocked this hard since 1997.  I am offering up a simple review, for one of my favorite bands.

There are some great tracks on this LP.

If you are one of those iTunes users (like myself), who needs to download a track or two to get a feel for it, then so be it.

I'd recommend Bag It Up and The Shock of the Lightning.

Bag It Up is a bluesy song with some great guitar parts in it.

It's a great way to kick off the album.  

The Shock of the Lightning rides a really, really good back beat.  You really can't blast this one loud enough.  

There are some other good ones that I enjoy, but those are good starts.  This a good rebound for the band, who has been on a downward spiral since their album, Be Here Now.  There are no minute-long recordings of a plane landing.  Those days seem to be past them.  I'd have to give this album a rating of 3.5 out of 5 stars.  Most of you are probably screaming...where did he get all these stars to just give away?!  The others are probably not.  

If you do decide to get the album, enjoy it.  

Cheers.

-Nick

Pure Competition.

Japan, you've done it again.  You've really outdone yourself this time.  And no, it's not remote control Sumo dolls.  This time it's worse.  They've grown a plant that can BLOG.  It's a simple house plant that can blog.  Madorisan, or the house plant, can blog.  It uses some type of electromagnetic device to transmit it's thoughts.  How can I compete with that?!  People already like plants enough!

Whatever a plant has to say must be the lamest thing I've ever heard.  It's life revolves around the sun and dirt.  I am not a fan of this idea.  In my opinion, it's just another try by the Japanese to put one over on us Americans.  Some people are so gullible.  (I love penguins.)

In other news, eBay has made ivory sales illegal on it's site.  How has this taken so long?  Aren't ivory sales illegal anyways?  Apparently the internet has no police force.  I find myself an avid eBay user, and I'm happy that people can no longer buy ivory.  It takes sales away from the other illegal things people are trying to sell.  

Bye for now.

-Nick

Cravats!

Ah yes...the ol' necktie.  What man invented this?  Also, why did it change from this form?  It used to look like a clam, now it looks like a funny tongue.  I don't think that this was on purpose, of course...men love clams!  

There was clearly a point in history where men decided it would be noble to wear a piece of cloth tied around their necks.  I can't explain it, and looking back, I don't think they could either.  

The only thing more depressing is a clip-on tie.  Not only are you wearing a tie, but you don't even know how to tie it.  

Another thing I found interesting about the tie is that no one questions having to wear one to work.  Has anyone ever said, "Why would I wear an elongated piece of silk around my neck?"...I think not, at least for my purposes anyways.

The only necktie that is acceptable is the bow tie.  For some reason it works.  It's just so ridiculous, that it works.  If you have the gaul to wear one, then you look good by default.  

Ties are funny, thanks Rosie.

Goodnight for now.

-Nick

Old People.

There is something fundamentally wrong with old people.  They have so much hatred, it's wearing off on me now!  I heard an old man bitching at this woman today while getting food, and I was screaming, internally.  I was about this close to doing something.  Of course, I didn't, I just walked away.  

There's something that happens in a person's life that they feel it necessary to make everyone around then miserable with them.  Whether it be by yelling at a woman working behind a counter or simply setting your car on fire, something needs to be done.  John Lennon always made it known that he never wanted to grow old, and for good reason!  If being a meanie and growing ridiculous mustachios are all that I have to look forward to, than no thank you!

So here is what I am proposing.  We need to act against these people.  I am tired of them taking money from my paychecks and being able to wear diapers.  

I am not proposing violence or aggression against the decrepit, but instead we should do something that no one has ever done before...ever!...well, maybe it's been done, I haven't really researched this, I'm just talking on a whim here.  But anyways...I feel that we should mess with the old people's senses.  Most old people have at least one sense failing on them.  I think it's a rule, you don't get gray hair until your hearing, vision, or smell are going.  

So, we will take advantage of this, and strike them with so much fear, that they will go home, and leave the cities and other human ordinances alone.  

If the subject cannot see too well, we will pretend to be being eaten alive by some type of fictional monster.  The image of a giant squid or jellyfish works well for me.  Have someone throw something at you and pretend it's tentacles on you.

If they cannot smell too well, embarrass them!  Tell them they defecated in their pants!  They will be so ashamed and red in the face that they will run, or walk away in search of a bathroom or new diaper.  I can see it now, that would be great.

My favorite is to install extreme fear in them.  Most really old people come from a day when the threat of a war with the Nazi's still seems possible.  Well, if they cannot hear, you need to somehow convince them that there are bomb sirens going off.  Now, this may seem cruel or unfair, but think about it...they're not actually going off, meaning there is no real danger to them.  We also need to convince them that the only safe place is back in their nursing home.  And hopefully they will stay there for a long time.  

On the other hand, how cool would it be to go to this nursing home?

So back to the point.  We've had many foes in our time.  First the natives, then the Nazi's, the Russians, the Republicans, etc.  But this certainly is one of the worst.  

Good luck.

-Nick

#1.

Well, I've done it.  I've successfully discovered "blogging".  It took a mere 7 years for me to create, and now I will reap the benefits.  You can all thank me for this, even you.  Most of you are probably yelling, "You didn't invent blogging!".  But I have the simple argument which will shut you-the-hell-up...Yes, I did.  That's definitive proof, beyond a reasonable doubt, indisputable evidence, play reversed, other jargon, etc.  The other 1 of you are probably wondering, where the hell is this going?  To be honest, I don't know.  However, I will tell you this...by reading this blog on a daily basis you may end up looking like him, but I can't guarantee that.  

Most people tell you what their blog will be about in their first post, so guess what...I'm going to do quite the opposite.  I'm going to tell you what it's not going to include.  

I promise you, it will not include the following:

• Anything useful.
• The truth.
• Good topics.
• Unbiased perspectives.
• Knowledge.
• ...
• A percussion section.

As for the overall scheme of the blog, I hope you like it.

I chose the option of the ocean or something like that.  I did this not for serenity or to set people's minds at ease, but to restate the following over and over again...I love penguins.

How I made that connection is crazy, to even me.  But, I will look past that for a second and talk about something that has been brought to my attention lately.  Why the hell can I not own a puffin?  Illegal?!  Extinction?!  Don't push your politics on me, Maine.  Someday I'm going to settle down, and I will have a small group of puffins.  Or just one, if my penguin budget becomes an issue.  Usually the first thing to come off my budget in tough times are penguins and children, so I'm simply sticking to those guidelines.

*For those of you who are about to shoot up a post office because of my comments, I don't have children and haven't ever left any behind.

And for those who think that there are penguin substitutes, you are wrong!  Those aren't real!  Stop fooling yourselves!  Now I'm mad, clearly.  Wouldn't you be mad too?  Let's say your dream was to own a delicatessen and they told you "no" because you don't have a license to operate such an establishment, wouldn't you be mad?  I know there is a big gap in that analogy, but come on.  Come on.  If I were you, I'd march down to city hall and make a statement...with something like this.

Well, I'm off to bigger and better things.

Until next time...Goodnight folks.

-Nick