#1.

Well, I've done it.  I've successfully discovered "blogging".  It took a mere 7 years for me to create, and now I will reap the benefits.  You can all thank me for this, even you.  Most of you are probably yelling, "You didn't invent blogging!".  But I have the simple argument which will shut you-the-hell-up...Yes, I did.  That's definitive proof, beyond a reasonable doubt, indisputable evidence, play reversed, other jargon, etc.  The other 1 of you are probably wondering, where the hell is this going?  To be honest, I don't know.  However, I will tell you this...by reading this blog on a daily basis you may end up looking like him, but I can't guarantee that.  

Most people tell you what their blog will be about in their first post, so guess what...I'm going to do quite the opposite.  I'm going to tell you what it's not going to include.  

I promise you, it will not include the following:

• Anything useful.
• The truth.
• Good topics.
• Unbiased perspectives.
• Knowledge.
• ...
• A percussion section.

As for the overall scheme of the blog, I hope you like it.

I chose the option of the ocean or something like that.  I did this not for serenity or to set people's minds at ease, but to restate the following over and over again...I love penguins.

How I made that connection is crazy, to even me.  But, I will look past that for a second and talk about something that has been brought to my attention lately.  Why the hell can I not own a puffin?  Illegal?!  Extinction?!  Don't push your politics on me, Maine.  Someday I'm going to settle down, and I will have a small group of puffins.  Or just one, if my penguin budget becomes an issue.  Usually the first thing to come off my budget in tough times are penguins and children, so I'm simply sticking to those guidelines.

*For those of you who are about to shoot up a post office because of my comments, I don't have children and haven't ever left any behind.

And for those who think that there are penguin substitutes, you are wrong!  Those aren't real!  Stop fooling yourselves!  Now I'm mad, clearly.  Wouldn't you be mad too?  Let's say your dream was to own a delicatessen and they told you "no" because you don't have a license to operate such an establishment, wouldn't you be mad?  I know there is a big gap in that analogy, but come on.  Come on.  If I were you, I'd march down to city hall and make a statement...with something like this.

Well, I'm off to bigger and better things.

Until next time...Goodnight folks.

-Nick