Look at me, I'm an American Idiot.

There are several times in your life that you realize that you are surrounded by idiots. When travelling to a foreign country with a group of individuals of which you don't really know that well, this is one of those instances.

When I am in a foreign country, I like to think that my presence represents the American culture (and of course is bullshit, but go along with it.) Everything that I do in public is seen as a reflection of the American society and her values.

The list of acceptable procedures in foreign countries includes, but is not limited to:

1. Yelling on the bus or underground transit system.

2. Making a complete drunken fool of yourself.

3. Obnoxiously telling the people of the country that they are rude, etc.

4. Somehow obtaining the accent of the country you are visiting after only having spent about 3 days there.

5. Falling asleep in meetings with officials at large press syndicates.

The list can go on for longer, but I am choosing not to continue on the grounds that I can't afford to have a stroke. (well actually I might be able to now, with the healthcare reform, I'm not really sure)

All of the things that I've numbered, I've seen in the past week. I don't understand the lack of respect or common sense that people have anymore. It drove me insane. There were times that I had to get away from it.

What I don't understand is, how did we get to this point? There was once a time when men in the United States of America all wore suits and women wore beautiful dresses. The women would be courted in a very courteous manner. There would be a sense of respect for others during that time. Then all of a sudden, we have this problem where we can't wear pants normally and it is impossible to hold a conversation longer than 2 sentences without swearing.

So where do we go from here? From here on out, I'm calling it like I see it. This might go against being a courteous and polite person, but it will only serve the greater good by trying to reform the masses into becoming a more hospitable society. I will also start to use big words.

Cheerio.

-Nick

Music in High Places

Hi all,

I've been thinking about how to make homeless people more happy with their environment.

I took a trip to NYC yesterday and decided that cities are an excellent place for homeless people. There is plenty of places for them to hide and a lot of scraps for them to eat, etc...

That is all nice, but they don't really have a source for entertainment. I was thinking that cities should place speakers EVERYWHERE and play music. This would make homeless people feel like they are in a house where they can listen to music, provide a soundtrack for them to dance for tips, and keep them up to speed on current taste.

I think this is a good idea.

-Nick

Too Old for Cocoa Puffs

I'd like to think that cereal was invented for someone who wants to eat a healthy, quick meal which will get your day started right. I don't think that Mr. Kellogs(?) would have approved of a sugar filled morning treat like fruity pebbles or Smacks! as a proper nutritional start to your day.

--Although, when Mr. Kellogs was alive, that's if he was a real person, they probably didn't have nutritional facts and a climbing obesity rate. If they did, we really haven't come very far as a human race in the breakfast aisle for the last 100 years.

Anyways, I think that we should have age limits to the type of cereal you can buy. I think it should be a backwards I.D. system. Almost the opposite of the drinking age, but the cereal age, if you will. If you are over 21, you can't buy a sugar ridden cereal like cocoa puffs, Smacks!, or Lucky Charms. You could only buy the bran cereal, or something that tastes like cat food.

This will achieve two things.

1. It will do it's part to lower the obesity rate, which is the obvious.

Number two is less obvious but more fun.

2. For all the sugar junkies out there who need their fix in the morning, they will be asking the under 21-year olds to buy them cereal. This is, of course, an ironic position to be in, because of the notion that under 21-year olds need elders to buy them alcohol. This will build some respect for the younger generation, and allow possible "illegal" trade-offs of alcohol for cereal.

Well, I better be getting to those Honey Combs that are calling my name while I still can.

Just doing my part.

-Nick

Mucky Fingers

You know, for whatever reason, I can be completely awkward at the worst moments.

Have you ever thought about how ridiculous it is to have pets in the house? I mean, don't get me wrong, I love animals, and I have several animals at home, but if you think about it, it's really funny. Why is it that the most common animals, cats and dogs, I assume, became so popular? If the popular consensus was to have pet squirrels or chipmunks in the house, and dogs would be outside (like deer, which I think are the ultimate pet) would the world miss a beat?

I mean, we do all this work to keep out mice and ostriches, but we love to take in cats. If someone had taken in a deer first, instead of a dog, then we might have deer in our homes. A deer in the home would be the coolest pet.

To Be Where There's Life

I just completed a massive re-organization of my room. I completely flipped everything around, making much more room for myself, as I share an apartment two other people.

I like how it is...but I'm not completely satisfied.

My dream (as if you can call this next statement a dream) was halted by only a matter of four inches. Imagine this scenario...you're hanging out with some girl, or out to dinner...and you bring her back to your room...and she says.."where's your bed?"

You then proceed to show her your closet (which has no door, a walk-in if you will) and your bed is in there (I'd like to coin that as a "Bed-Room"). Now, here's where it can go two different directions. Judging by the most reactions I've gotten to this question, she would most likely be freaked out, and leave my apartment. This is where it becomes a nice sifter (weed out the riff-raff) if you will.

I've decided I don't want to be with a girl who isn't will to get into a closet with me. I'd rather know that she is so into me that the weird situations I'm going to put her in aren't going to make her less attracted to me. And if, and only if, she says yes to coming into my closet, then she gets to stay with me.

I'd like to think of myself as a renaissance man.

-Nick

Familiar to Millions

After a long hiatus to the blog-o-sphere, I've decided to make my comeback tour.

I've been thinking of fresh ideas, random comments, and ways to piss everyone off. Over the next few hundred days or years, I'm going to try and push the limits.

So, stick around, welcome back, welcome new readers, walk to the end of the isle and pick up a copy of yesterday's bake...after all, it's only a day old.

It's good to be back.

-Nick

Falling Down...

I think you're putting money in the wrong places.

-Nick.